Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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