i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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