We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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