in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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