Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
