Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
