i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
