On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
