that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
