4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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