It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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