Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
