Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I looked at my own cervix.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
