"it" just moved
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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