yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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