Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
