I think my vagina is haunted
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
In America we eat man semen.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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