You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
