I think my vagina is haunted
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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