are you still at the devil's house?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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