i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
