not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
