We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
