More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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