How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
