plz talk dirty to me
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
