if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
