he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
