cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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