I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mom said you looked used
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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