OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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