Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
