My cat gives me a boner
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
