you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
