I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
