Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
