when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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