i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
