And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
