I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
