I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
