I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
