i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize