you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
