worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
