Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
