pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
