there was a trapeze. enough said
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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