ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
