I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
