I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize