Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
