Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
