Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
