So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
