do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
