i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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