im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
