Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize