His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
