I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
