Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Come see our sink grown plant.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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