i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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