all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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