Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
