My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The best revenge is premature balding
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
