Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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