what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
