where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
