I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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