Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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