I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
